“An Acquisition” A short play

Scene 1

[Interior, sparsely decorated kitchen with Roommate 1 sitting at a table eating cereal. A calendar on the wall indicates the date is Oct. 30]

[Enter Roommate 2]

Roommate 1: Morning

Roommate 2: Morning. The house seems warmer this morning.

Roommate 1: Yeah, it got cold enough last night that I finally turned on the heat.

Roommate 2: Okay…

Roommate 1: Don’t worry; I only put the thermostat at 60. I’ll still be able to pay my share of the gas bill.

Roommate 2: Thanks. By the way, we’re low on toilet paper.

Roommate 1: Oh. [pause] I’ll pick some up tomorrow.

Roommate 2: Thanks.

[End Scene I]

Scene 2

[Exterior, A scarecrow sits in a lawn chair near a tree in front of a house. Lit jack-o-lanterns are also present. Sounds of children trick-or-treating are in the background.]

[Enter several youths wearing mischievous grins and bearing toilet paper.]

Youth 1: [whispers] Ready?

Rest: [whisper] Ready.

[Several youths cock their arms to throw the toilet paper.]

Scarecrow: Hey you kids, get off my lawn!

[Scarecrow leaps out of chair brandishing a large menacing gun, pointed at the youths]

Youths: [Various profanities]

[Youths drop toilet paper and run off stage]

Scene 3

[Interior, same as scene 1]

[Enter Roommate 2 in full paintball gear]

Roommate 2: Morning.

Roommate 1: Morning.

Roommate 2: Have you seen my paintball gun?

Roommate 1: I put it back on your dresser.

Roommate 2: Ah, thanks.

[Exit roommate 2]

Roommate 2 [from offstage]: Oh, thanks for getting the toilet paper.

Roommate 1: You’re quite welcome.

Roommate 2: How much do I owe you for it?

Roommate 1: Nothing. It was a donation … of sorts.

Roommate 2: Okaaaaaaaaay.


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